Stupid Prince
by doneandmoredone
Summary: Suikoden V; Roy somehow gets it in his head that Lyon will like it if she catches him smooching the prince. Prince x Roy. Oneshot.


**Title:** Stupid Prince

**Author:** Risa

**Pairings:** Prince/Roy, unrequited Roy/Lyon, mentions of Roog/Rahal

**Rated:** K+

**Disclaimer:** Suikoden is not mine.

**Word Count:** ~4,800

**Summary:** Roy somehow gets it in his head that Lyon will like it if she catches him smooching the prince. Shit happens.

**A/N:** This was meant to be pure humor when I first started it, but then it got serious. Pshaw. Also, Roy is fun to write.

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><p>Roy spent most of his days wandering about Ceras Lake Castle, plotting any excuse that he could to have some alone time with his sweetie Lyon. Well, technically she wasn't <em>his<em> sweetie, but he blamed that entirely on the stupid prince. She was all over him like beavers on wood, unrelenting in her duty as his faithful and beloved body guard.

It made him sick. How was it that royalty drew the attention of so many? How come the damn prince was so popular with absolutely everyone that sucked air? Everyone either wanted to kiss his regal rear, or mount his head on a stick. Roy was rather somewhere in between, leaning more toward the latter where Lyon was concerned. Seriously. She was just so, well.

Frankly Roy found himself far more enchanted by her than anything else. It was what made joining the Royal Falenan Army worthwhile. It gave him something to live for. Everyone was transfixed by their runes and their politics and their nonsense. Roy served his purpose in the army that he was roped into joining, but there was only one thing he really, truly wanted above all else.

He wanted Lyon. Rather, he wanted her to acknowledge him. Nobody sucked up to the prince more than she did. The more she did it, the more he felt the need to snag her attention.

Dressing up like the prince did nothing but upset her. It certainly never fooled her. He was trying really hard to get the prince's personality down, or at the very least his own interpretation of it. He never could fool her though. Not once. Any other attempt he thought at getting her alone was always hindered by the fact that the prince had something to do. Every time. Every time he ran off somewhere she followed. Every damned time. Didn't they ever get sick of each other?

In any case, as Roy passed the stables that housed the dragon horses he happened upon a most peculiar conversation. Two women were chortling over a rumor about the dragon knights, Roog and Rahal, two other big shots that Roy didn't care to know much about. Apparently their relationship was... quite a bit more than it seemed to say the least, and Roy felt an uncomfortable tug in his gut when the conversation took a turn into intimate places.

Perhaps the most uncomfortable thing about what Roy had overheard was just how thrilled those two women seemed to be. Now, Roy didn't exactly fancy men by any means, but even he had to admit that those two big shots were damn good-looking, particularly the one in blue. Say the pair of them were a... pair. Getting all naked and kissy-faced together and stuff. Shouldn't the women be upset about that? Usually women got real mad if another woman got the man that they wanted first. For example, that Marina lady couldn't stand it whenever the prince invited Belcoot and Hazuki both into his entourage. She'd put too many onions in her stew once because of it, which gave Roy a really big stomach ache.

So then why? It was somehow OK to women that a man find a boyfriend, but not a girlfriend? That didn't make much sense to him. Or maybe it wasn't about love. It could have been just a physical thing. That Queen's Knight, Kyle. He hit on every girl in the castle just about, and a few even disappeared into his room with him. He wasn't the only guy that did stuff like that either. Stuff like that was never spoken of, and it certainly couldn't have been love.

Were women just enchanted by the idea of two guys in a physical relationship? It wasn't such a farfetched idea. Roy grew up with all sorts, and heard just about everything in the book. He'd seen men pay female gypsies and prostitutes big money to undress, and make out, and stuff. So no, he supposed stranger things have happened.

He was struck with a most radical thought not long after. Lyon. What if... what if _she_ liked that sort of thing? What would she do if she caught that precious, goodie-two-shoes prince of hers lip-locked with another man?

One thing was for certain, it would grab her attention.

That's when Roy's daily pondering of how to grab Lyon's attention started to tread dangerous waters. He tried to think if there were any guys interested in the prince in _that_ sort of way. There must have been. He was like a vastly more soft and effeminate version of Roy, at least in terms of appearances. Roy liked to think of himself as the more masculine of the two. Made sense. Roy grew up on the streets full of pick pockets and piggish men. The prince grew up in a castle surrounded by women. Of course the prince would be the effeminate one.

The point is, that damn prince was so... he was pretty. Who the hell's not gonna notice that? Even so, who the hell's gonna be crazy enough to kiss the prince in front of Lyon? Or at all? He was a public figure. Roy wasn't as stupid as people made him out to be. Even he could see that a lot of shit would go down if there was some sort of scandal.

It was an operation that had to be handled delicately, and just right. Anyone else would screw it up.

Anyone else but Roy himself, of course.

* * *

><p>It took Roy several weeks to come to terms with his crazy scheme to get Lyon to notice him. He discussed it with no one, not even Faylon and Faylen. They just wouldn't get it. The basic gist of his plan was to get Lyon to walk in on him and the prince being real cozy, like... kissing, or something. Roy had already left a note in the prince's comment box, basically saying that he wanted to discuss something in private with the prince. Right, discuss. The night to do so had arrived sooner than he had wanted it to. After all, the prince was a busy guy, and that pretentious lady tactician sent him and Lyon everywhere and anywhere whenever she could, making opportunities scarce.<p>

Roy braced himself. He could do this.

He knocked on the door of the prince's room twice and crossed his arms, pouting as that annoying tightness started to brace stomach muscles again. Sun help him if his cheeks started to turn red. Damn it. He was doing this for Lyon. It wasn't like it was any sort of big deal or anything. Just an experiment. It's not like he had anything to lose.

"Good evening, Roy," said the prince as he opened the door. The grin on his face was one Roy often had the desire to slug clean off. What did he have to be so damn happy about all the time anyway? You'd think the assassination of his parents and imprisonment of his sister would be enough to break anybody, but this stupid prince was like a pillar that just wouldn't crumble. It was unnerving. Roy absolutely hated this guy, more than anything!

"Yeah, yeah," he said, inviting himself into the prince's chambers without so much as a nod. That was another thing. Most other nobles would flip their lid over this sort of conduct. In fact, Roy thought it was hilarious when they did. So they were rich and petty. That didn't make them better than anyone else, yet they just sort of decided, hey, they're all important and everyone should find it an honor to lick their toes and call them "sire." The prince wasn't like that, though. He didn't fit the stereotype Roy was so comfortable with, which irritated him more. Why, he's even struggled with the idea that, had the prince been born into an entirely different background, but with the same personality, Roy could have possibly, sort of, maybe, almost tolerated him. Maybe. As long as Lyon was no longer attached to him, that is.

Right. Lyon.

"You had something you wanted to discuss with me? There aren't mice in your bed chambers, are there?"

"What?" said Roy. "We're in the middle of a lake! How would we get mice?"

"Cargo. The castle has to be resupplied daily, and almost every boat comes with its share of stowaways."

"Bah, whatever, ya big know-it-all. I didn't come here to talk about stupid mice anyway!"

"OK."

Roy was stunned to silence, momentarily forgetting what he had even come to the prince's room to do, and entirely forgetting what he had planned to say. Frankly, what he had hated most about the prince was that he just couldn't talk to this guy. It was so uncomfortable. First of all they had almost the exact same face, save for the eyes. If nobles ever bothered to look into the prince's eyes they would probably recognize Roy as an imposter immediately. Most of them took the damn bait, though. They wouldn't look Roy in the eyes when they thought he was the prince either. Now that was just creepy. Another thing that Roy found disconcerting was how uncertain the prince made him feel. From a distance it was easy to hate his guts. It was his image that Roy hated. As a person, well. Once he started looking at the prince like a person it got a bit... weird.

"Would you like to sit down?" The prince pulled up a chair from his desk. There were two of them actually, and the prince seated himself in the adjacent one the moment he had asked. Roy gazed down upon the prince with a storm blazing in his eyes. Carefully chosen words that he had taken weeks rehearse in his head, gone. As though the Sun Rune itself had wiped his mind clean of feasible thought. Damn this guy! It was impossible. Everything was impossible. It just wasn't fair. Roy wanted nothing more than to run away and pretend that he hadn't thought a damned bit of this. This wasn't like him. Why did the prince make such a weakling out of him? All he wanted was for Lyon to notice him, to get to know him, but all she cared about was this guy, and Roy couldn't even hate him.

Roy bowed his head and punched the desk as hard as he could, which only hurt him. At once the prince placed his left hand upon Roy's clenched fist and asked what was troubling him. Every thought and feeling that occurred in this castle meant something, especially to the prince. Perhaps that's what bothered Roy. No matter how disrespectful he was. No matter how hard he tried to portray the prince as some haughty regal jerk. No matter what he did, the prince cared about him. About him, as a person, and not just another subject to be cast off to rot somewhere.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, that meant something to Roy.

"My problem? Where do I even begin? I..."

"Prince?" The two of them heard from behind the door. It was Lyon's voice. Roy hadn't expected her to come by so soon, but then again it was her. If she wasn't following the prince around like a lost puppy then she wasn't being herself. That gave Roy exactly two seconds to put the plan into action, or abort mission.

As the knob clicked the prince removed his hand from Roy's, prompting the ex-bandit to clasp the prince's shoulders desperately with both hands and dive head first into a hard kiss that froze his highness where he sat. Wasn't expecting that, was he?

"Lucretia would like an audience with you when you get the ch-" The door had been opened, Lyon was peaking into the room, and Roy was lip-locked with the prince himself. Funny thing was, he was more drawn to the prince's startled gasp, how small yet perky those lips of his were, how moist and soft they were. They were sort of nice actually. Roy's eyes slammed shut through the duration of the kiss, and he swore that this person beneath him was every bit as human as everyone else that was, well, human. So what...

"Ah, Prince! Roy! What on earth do you think you're doing? Stop that!" Lyon hollered, shrill and chilling as the first time she had ever spoken to him. All it did was fill him with anger. Why? What was the big damn deal about this guy anyway?

"H-hey sweetie. Just thought I'd put on a nice show for ya is a-"

Lyon slapped him so hard he had to brace himself against the desk, and the prince winced upon hearing the sound. Roy could see the expression through tears of frustration brimming in his eyes. Why? Why did she always have to choose the prince? Why did he feel so cold all of a sudden?

"A show? Have you completely lost your mind! The prince isn't just some plaything you can amuse yourself with. What if someone walked in on this? Haven't you-"

"Lyon!" said the prince, placing himself between Roy and her. Loathe as he was to admit it, Roy felt the slightest bit of relief. Where the rest of his body ached, or felt cold, his left cheek was on fire. He almost suspected that she had a fire rune equipped for just such an occasion, and for some reason he could still feel tears in his eyes. Damn it. Damn it all to hell!

"Prince, you're being far too kind. This has to stop. Roy's gone too far!"

"She's right, man. Err, I mean, _your royal highness_," said Roy through his teeth, as though every word hurt to say. In fact, it kind of did. "Please forgive your worthless subject, for he has sinned beyond the realm of reason. Shall I slit my own throat to make up for my foolishness, oh-great-one?"

"OUT!" said Lyon, pointing toward the door. Roy obliged without another word. The prince's will was absolute, or else he would have gotten a whole lot more than a slap across the face. That much was obvious.

* * *

><p>Needless to say, Roy's experiment was a miserable failure. What's more, he had no idea that Lyon was capable of getting so angry. He had taken that possibility into account, sure, but it's not like it would have been the first time he'd made her angry. No, this time he screwed up big time. She would probably never forgive him. He spent a good deal of his life feeling like scum, then the last few years of it feeling resentful that he'd been made to feel like scum. Now? He was right back to feeling like scum again.<p>

That slap did more than hurt, though it certainly did plenty of THAT, too. He had to face two different facts, neither of which were easy to swallow. One was that the prince was a public figure that had the hopes and dreams of thousands riding upon his back. He had to gain the trust of the majority of his country to take back the throne the Godwin faction had usurped. Sure, the royal family, at least under Queen Arshtat's rule, was generally more fair and open to the concerns of common folk than greedy bastards like Godwin and Barows. Anyone with a brain knew that. Thing is, anyone who knew how to use their brain ought to ask, why? If the royal family's will was absolute, why did Godwin and Barows have so much damn power? The royal family was just weak and full of excuses, that's why!

Roy hated the prince and the royal family. He hated the prince as a public figure. He only worked for the prince out of obligation, and because he genuinely did not care what happened to his own worthless existence anyway. The second reality he had to face, though, was that he did not hate the prince as a person, when he actually bothered to see the prince as a person that was.

He supposed things could be worse. The army would soon lay siege on Stormfist and Sol-Falena and the war would soon be over, meaning Roy wouldn't have to deal with his royal pain in the ass and all his suck up followers for much longer. It was also why he had become so desperate for ideas on how to get Lyon to notice him. Not to mention she had almost died, though he preferred not to think of that. He thought she'd take it easy with being so damned attached to the prince after that, but once she could walk around again she did everything she could for him within the castle, and mostly against Dr. Silva's orders.

Speaking of which, she would be in the medical ward getting her wound dressed and examined right about now. He was going to apologize and be real honest with her this time. No more tricks, and he'd be damned if he let that mean hag of a doctor get in his way again.

"Go away," was the first thing Dr. Silva said upon entry. It appeared that she had just finished dressing Lyon's wounds, and was probably willing the determined body guard to get some rest. From what Roy could see, rest was the last thing on Lyon's mind. Her fingers were woven tightly together, and she refused to look up. Sheesh, it wasn't like he killed her puppy or anything, though he might as well have.

"No can do," he said, walking toward Lyon despite the doctor's orders. He never was one to follow orders of blowhards and bossy old hags.

Once Roy reached Lyon he dropped to his hands and knees and basically bellowed, "I'm so sorry! Please stop with the silent treatment, sweetie. I'll do anything."

"This is a medical ward," said Dr. Silva, yanking Roy up by the scarf. She was really strong for an old lady. "You're disturbing my patients."

"I'll escort him out, Dr. Silva," said Lyon, raising to her feet. She purposefully avoided Roy's eyes when he glanced at her, his gratefulness meaning nothing to her. She was definitely still mad, though like the stupid prince she was very kind. He knew she'd hear what he had to say.

"You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

And just like that, Lyon and Roy left the medical ward. If anything, it seemed like Lyon only left with Roy just to get out of there. She was in there for a really long time, though, so he couldn't exactly blame her. It was amazing that she survived such a fatal wound, but now it was time to return to the world of the living. Too bad all she wanted to do was dedicate that living time to dying for the prince if need be. There was so much more to life, though it wasn't like Roy was one to criticize. He'd probably wind up dying for the prince at some point, too, especially since there was no way the prince'd bail him out by scouring crumbled ruins for the sake of saving some nobody who only happened to have the same face as him.

Lyon lead the way all the way to the prince's quarters, though Roy could have sworn that he saw the prince leave with Miakis and some others earlier that morning. Suddenly the air around them was almost overwhelming in its weight. She ordered him into the room, shut the door behind her, and every moment of silence that followed afterward felt like a lifetime. Oh, she was gonna let him have it all right. She was probably just picking her words. He'd be lucky to walk out of this one alive, but he'd just have to deal with it. As long as he got what he came to say off his chest, all would be well.

"Why did you do it?" she said, having a tough time keeping a cap on her temper. Roy swallowed. Perhaps this would be a good time to get back on his knees and beg for mercy, but there was only so much pride he was willing to trample.

"To get your attention, sweetie," he said truthfully, though that didn't seem to be the right answer regardless. The way she glared at him, he may as well have been that pompous, frilly Barows guy Roy once did business with.

"Well, you have it. So what?"

She was mad. The worst kind of mad a person could be, which was the quiet kind of mad. It was obvious that she didn't forgive him, and she probably wasn't going to. Damn it all. Roy felt like a massive jerk that wasn't fit to walk the earth. Well, in a way he was exactly that, so it wasn't like Lyon got it wrong. Even so, his coveted time alone with her was baring down on him like the enraged Sun Rune. It would be foolish of him to pass this opportunity up, because it may never come again.

"So? You're basically glued to that damn prince all time. You almost died for him! All before I got a chance, you know? To tell y-"

"It was my sworn duty to protect the prince. It still is. Get to the point."

"I'm tryin', but sweetie, it's hard. Argh, I can't stand it!

"I love you, yanno! And-and I'm not the only one, so stop tryin' to die so much, and stop being so mad at me. Just, damn it."

Roy clutched his heart, cringing and shaking and red all over. He wasn't going to cry in front of his girl. Well, she technically wasn't his girl, and as long as the prince was around she never was going to be. He couldn't very well go back into battle, back into the dangerous role of the prince's double, just to die without at least making his feelings known. He truly couldn't stand holding back. He never was one to hold back, even if the world had a knack for pushing him down.

"Roy... " she finally said, her voice as small as he felt in that moment. She sighed, and when another string of words cracked her pursed lips he couldn't help but look away. "Thank you for your honesty, but my duty and my purpose is to serve the prince. I owe his family my life."

"Purpose?" His voice shook. "Bullshit!"

Her brows arched, and once more Roy found himself pounding the surface of the prince's desk. He may have even sprained his wrist that time, but it really didn't matter.

"Your only purpose is to live and be who you are! Have you ever paid attention to what that guy does for you in return? How he looks at you? He doesn't want you throwin' away your life, or denyin' yourself anything anymore than anyone else does. You spend every wakin' moment with him, so why don't you see it?"

"That's enough!" said Lyon. "Don't meddle in affairs that you don't fully grasp."

"What don't I grasp? And why? Because I'm just some grimy rat you rich freaks plucked from a hole?"

Lyon looked just about ready to slap him once more, but a click from the door disrupted their argument. A very bewildered prince entered the room with Miakis on tow, which was just great. Well, actually, it was, because Roy no longer had it in him to argue with Lyon.

"Lyon, Miakis, I would like a moment alone with Roy, if you don't mind." That wasn't a question. Lyon was going to protest, but Miakis had her by the hand and out of the room quicker than anyone could blink. What followed were several painful moments of silence. The sun was setting, so everyone was probably off having supper by now. The thought of food made Roy's stomach twitch in a nauseous way. Come to think of it, he'd spent the last week feeling just like this. Food had nothing to do with it.

"I heard quite a bit of that conversation outside the door," said the prince, striding toward Roy like he owned the damn place. Well, he did, but he didn't have to rub it in. Oh, who was he kidding? At this point his mind was just grasping at straws. He didn't have it in him to be mad at the prince really.

"Yeah? Gonna tell me that I was out of line?"

"I wouldn't waste my time." The prince had a smile that was almost condescending. Or perhaps it just seemed so. Roy had heard those exact words before. When he had first met Lyon he found her just as annoying as anyone else who would pander to this prince. What set her apart from the rest was that she knew the prince so well that she wouldn't be fooled by someone that was so, what was the word? Vulgar? Roy didn't know when exactly he had become _vulgar_. Perhaps when he took up that whole bandit gig. Or perhaps it was simply who he was.

Only it wasn't. He wasn't just some trash to be cast off by society. He was a person. If only she would see. If only they would all just open their eyes. This person, this prince, his double. The prince was no different! No better! Only the circumstances of their births set them apart.

He was a fool for thinking he could convince Lyon of that. He was an even bigger fool for loving her.

By the time the prince was within arm's length of him he had started to cry. It was humiliating. What made it worse, though, was that the prince was a very kind-natured person. He cared for scum like Roy the best way some royal pomp could. Roy was pulled into an embrace that knocked every molecule of air from his lungs. Geez, way to kick a man while he's down. He wanted to be mad. He wanted to hate this person, and blame this person for all of the problems in his life.

But he didn't, because that was foolish. Roy could count on one hand the amount of people in this lifetime who have hugged him like this. He could count on one finger the amount of people he'd shed tears like this in front of after he was out of diapers. He either had to be tough, or die. So what was it about this person that affected him so much? It was so confusing.

"Roy," said the prince, stroking the former bandit's hair. Roy's cry never turned into much more than a few hiccups. He couldn't even give himself the satisfaction of fully unloaded baggage, let alone the prince. This was just a weird slip up. He was having a bad day. "Thank you. I wish there was more that I could say."

Of all the things he could have said, words of gratitude were the last Roy had expected. He also hadn't expected the prince to tighten his hold around Roy's shoulders. Like it wasn't enough to knock the wind out of him once. "You have a big heart."

"OK, you're creepin' me out," said Roy, finally pushing himself away from the guy. It was like this sickening amount of tolerance and affection were weapons, or something. Of course, Roy couldn't exactly imagine the prince hugging Gizel Godwin to death, but still. If it caused him heart attack like it was about to cause Roy it might actually be worth a try.

Roy turned back toward the prince once he reached the door and said, "You're like the most impossible person to hate, you know that?"

"I'll take that as a compliment."

With that, Roy blushed, forced open the door, and sped out. The worst part of it all was that he couldn't force back the small smile that his lips curled into. Stupid prince.

END


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